I have spent the last few months in the bit of a funk. Each evening, while myhusband waters the yeard, waters the garden, pulls weeds, and plays with the kids, I am sadly left out. I hear them screeching and giggling, yelling, and laughing, all while I remain inside. Not that I do not want to be a part of what is happening, but I cannot.
My intention earlier in the year was to do all of those things. I wanted to be the one pulling weeds, and watering and harvesting the garden, but alas, I am not. We had hoped that this pain pump that now lives within my body would be working at "full capacity" and I would be able to take on some of the outside work/ burden that my dear hubby now finds himself saddled with. Instead, I find that I am having to do another round of intense physical therapy, and more frequent doctor visits, with an x-ray, and impending MRI. All because of nerve damage that has presented itself since I went to visit family back in May.
The purpose, or so I had hoped for this pain pump was for me, in my mind to be able and participate, even just a little in my family's lives. I still hope for this, and will continue to do so, but frustration is settling in.
So, until then I spend my days doing whatever and however much I can, be it a little or more than that. I read, mostly scriptures, as I hope to read the Book of Mormon before the end of the year, a few other books as well, mostly repeats of favorite authors, and I cross stitch, I am working on Christmas gifts again this year. The only thing with that is that, with my hands going numb, that is getting harder and harder to do.